Frequently, my clients and retreat participants inquire whether, given their age, it's too late to embrace happiness. Every time, I assure them that it's never too late – we can find joy and fulfillment at any stage of life. The key lies in the willingness to work on oneself, nurture happiness, and pursue dreams. Furthermore, we can reprogram our minds positively, turning it into a powerful ally. Understanding the intricacies of our minds and brains is crucial.
As the Dalai Lama say, "Sow an act, and you will reap a habit; sow a habit, and you will reap a character; sow a character, and you will reap a destiny."
In simpler terms, changing a small action can lead to new habits, transforming behaviors, and ultimately shaping our destiny.
The insights I share in this article provide foundational principles for implementing change. I believe in simplicity and directness, avoiding complex terms to ensure accessibility.
I am therefore going to talk about our mind, our brain, and explain to you points which are both very easy to understand, but essential to integrate.
So, it's essential to recognize that the brain resists change; it clings to familiar habits for a sense of security. Change often implies stepping into the unknown, which can be perceived as negative and frightening. This mindset, however, is rooted in our belief system. The unknown can be full of wonderful opportunities. But for most us, the unknown is scary.
The mind therefore has its comfort zone, what it knows, what it masters, what it has a feeling of security in. And even if the situation we find ourselves in at that moment is not at all pleasant, very often he prefers that to the unknown, because at least he is used to “that”. It is not for nothing that we say that humans are creatures of habit!
To embark on a journey of change, one must be prepared to face the discomfort of letting go. Whether it's ending a relationship, changing careers, or challenging deeply ingrained beliefs, acknowledging the need for change is the first step.
Your mind initially acts as an adversary, familiar with your fears, beliefs, and wounds. Commitment to the process of self-improvement is essential, as the desire to change must be genuine; otherwise, reverting to old patterns is likely.
So when we try to implement change, the mind struggles fiercely. He wants to find what he knows. It may make him suffer, it may scare him, but it doesn't matter, at least he knows it.
Before initiating change, take the time to understand what you want to change and why. The commitment to change should stem from a personal need rather than external pressures.
The concept of "getting better" varies for each individual. It could involve overcoming insomnia, gaining confidence, or pursuing personal dreams. The journey of self-improvement is not always enjoyable, as it involves confronting buried aspects of ourselves.
So, I'm not going to lie to you, doing in-depth work on yourself is not fun, because there are things that we have to face and that we would prefer to keep under the rug. We question ourselves, we take responsibility for our own life and our suffering, we fight against the mind which does not want to change... Yet, it leads to newfound freedom, alignment, self-discovery, and a sense of pride in personal victories.
First of all you have to know that you cannot remove something from the brain without adding something else. Change requires substituting old habits with positive alternatives. The brain needs a replacement that carries a similar positive connotation.
So, we can't remove something from the brain without giving it another bone to gnaw on! This is often why people who quit smoking start eating candy or something else they like. The brain finds something else. So knowing this, when you want to implement a change, remember to give it something in exchange, something that you have decided. Additionally, forming a new habit takes around three weeks of consistent practice.
Remember, I told you that change requires regularity, consistency. It is therefore by reproducing the habit you want to adopt every day, at least once a day, that you will be able to achieve results.
The brain tends to ignore negative phrasing, it does not "hear" the negative form of a sentence. For instance, if I ask you not to think of an Elephant...
What did you think of? Has an Elephant, right?
Or if I tell you “don’t be afraid” what is your first reaction instinctively?
Fear, apprehension, right?
Keep in mind the importance of the words you use. They have a direct impact on you, on your thoughts and on your beliefs but also on others, on their thoughts and on their beliefs.
The way you talk about yourself, or the way people talk to you about yourself, has a direct impact on your vision of yourself. Just like what you say to others has an impact on their view of themselves.
Repetition of words and phrases contributes to the development of beliefs. Childhood experiences and the language used by others shape our self-perception. Understanding these influences is a crucial step toward self-awareness.
In the same way as if you grew up with people around you who told you that the world is dangerous, that the unknown is negative, then you have most certainly developed this same belief.
Okay, I'm going to stop there for today. We will end with practice (yes, I am a very pragmatic man).
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